There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
