Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
