She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
did i just pee glitter
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
