Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
