There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
