I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
