He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
