Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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