u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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