You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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