you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My dick has a subreddit
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
