No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
