You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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