it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
