Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
