i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
