The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
