I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
