You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
