watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
