I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
