I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
