i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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