When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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