I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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