oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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