My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
