i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
