We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
