we have pet lesbian snakes
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
