Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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