After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
