I bet he comes in French.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
