So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
