i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
