Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
