Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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