thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
where are my eyebrows?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
