which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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