Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
