she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
