Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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