I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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