Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
