Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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