Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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