So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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