the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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