she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
