fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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