Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
