I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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